A collection of notes made when I woke up in bawling, loud, exhausting tears this weekend.
1. Isn’t it funny how, when you experience an extreme emotion, EVERY song on the radio is entirely applicable to your situation? You change the words to work, and sing along at the top of your voice like you wrote it especially?
2. So, in the job I’m in, we come across some awful stories. You couldn’t make that shit up. We look after and care for women who have been through the unimaginable, or inflicted as much on someone else, perhaps a child. We detach ourselves from the facts so we can care for them without judgement or bias.
After one of my shifts this weekend,
after I had spent 13 hours looking after a 19 year old woman whose life made mine seem…well…easy,
after I had looked after someone who had a near catastrophic haemorrhage at the end of those 13 hours,
I got a fuck tonne of perspective.
3. A list.
T. and I would have been ‘it’.
Things that went wrong (without bloggish padding):
a) I asked him not to hurt me….jinxed it right?
b) I got pyelonephritis (an unattractive illness for the newly met)
c) I fucked my back and was immobile for a week, and am still recovering.
d) We didn’t talk about being exclusive, or what our relationship was.
e) He slept with someone else and I found out by finding a letter inviting him to visit, with a photograph of her in suspenders. I told my Mum.
f) I decided to stick around. We tried to find the trust that had gone.
g) He had a knee operation and needed my help with the dog, getting around, moral support..
j) We didn’t talk about it.
I like lists.