Self Respect

Tonight I drew a line in the muddy landscape of us. I don’t know what changed,  but this week I seem to have gained some self respect. I realised that I was becoming the Polish girl to his next relationship (see previous posts) and I don’t wanna do that to another lass.  I know what…

Q&A

This blog has been about honesty and transparency from the start,  and,  if the one man who definitely won’t be reading it knew…he’d laugh. His Monday to Friday work is around ‘transparency’. This often quoted word, that I dashed across his head like a glass during a heated moment, has become mine. A concept I…

Save the World 

I’m angry. On the surface I act and feel well,  myself, bubbly and well…happy.  I am!  I am. I can’t ignore however,  an undercurrent of ugly, black, anger.  To reuse a metaphor, the river flowing past my little Island is thick, grey and putrid.  Now and then I dip in a toe,  as when hearing…

Constants

I run away.  I take my feeling and put it into a movement.  Finding somewhere empty and off the path,  I stop,  gulp at the air and let my tears run with the rain. I sit back on my heels, slipping slightly on the bark as I find my grip.  I look at the slanted…

Reality Hits, Cooking Wine Heals.

Tonight I sit with a glass of red balanced on my tummy.  I’ve sat here for a good 60 seconds watching it twitch back and forth with my heartbeat,  trying to decide if vinegar is indeed what I fancy.  Hmmm.  Cooking wine.  Who makes casserole these days anyway. Here’s my motivation for supping on a…

Bangkok. The People you Meet if you Look 

If you’re thinking of travelling alone,  don’t you dare be worried it’ll stay that way.  Whenever I have ventured out ‘on my bill’ (as my teenage self would call it),  I meet someone within days,  sometimes hours.  Step 1:  Put your phone down and say Hello.  You’ll learn more about the culture you’re surrounded by…

A reflection in gin 

I have a lot of time to reflect out here in Thailand. Nothing but a novel to distract. I want to bring in the good bits of the story, now that my anger has subsided and I’m managing to stamp out that nasty hopeless feeling that’s so alien to me.  I know that whatever I’ve…

Coeliac Traveller 

(NB: apologies for the language,  this topic makes me abusive it seems) I was diagnosed with coeliac disease 3 years ago, ish.  Symptoms I’d had for 10 or more years were finally explained and a cure laid out.  No gluten (wheat, barley or rye) ever again.  If I eat even the most measly of crumbs…

18 kg

I’m packing for Thailand and it’s more than just a holiday. It’s running away.  It’s running towards.  It’s my healing process. I’ve been here before. Haven’t we all? Two summers ago I left for a 96 mile hike through the Scottish Highlands with an 18kg bag. Any hiking gear geek would shudder.  It weighed such…

The people you need

As I’ve gone through life I’ve met people who live to bring light into other’s lives. I know them, don’t see them often,  but when I do it’s like they know I needed what they have to give. Let me introduce you to one of them. Today,  just as I was starting my tired journey…